Don’t Need to See Him: Sight (1/5)Author:
Fred/Wesley (mentions of Fred/Gunn and Angel)Summary:
Wesley has been able to separate Illyria from Fred, but it has come with price.Prompt:
040. Sight.Word Count:
FRT (this part)Author's Notes:
AU Fred POV from near the end of Season 5. Be warned – there’s no sugar-coating of Fred’s time in Pylea in these fics. It was dirty, ugly time for her.
My mom said when I was growing up, I could always see things she and Dad could never hope to.
For example, from the time I was in elementary school, I could see the way equations worked almost as soon as they were written on the board. It was like the solutions would just write themselves out in front of my eyes, and I could see so clearly why it had to be solved that way, and I would show my work to my teachers, and then one year in high school, one of them showed what I did to a professor she knew at one of the universities in Texas. That was how I got my scholarship that led to me going to UCLA.
And later, in Pylea, as soon as I was there, I could see that this wasn’t Kansas, and I wasn’t welcome, especially when five green demons with horns starting chasing me across a field. For five years, I practically slept with my eyes open so I wouldn’t get attacked during the night by my “owners” or another slave or some other creature living out in the woods. I made sure I saw them coming and got away before they could get to me. After years of this, though, I knew I was rescued when I saw my handsome man.
Then I started not to see things quite as much.
For a long time, all I could see was Angel, my handsome man. I didn’t really see the man who brought me food when I locked myself in my room and wrote on the walls or who tried to bring me out into the real world again a few times that first summer I was back. I didn’t see the way he looked at me when I was sitting across the room, or the way he tried to talk to me so many times and never managed to...especially after Billy’s blood made him do something he never would have done to me in a million years if he had had a choice in the matter.
Then all I saw was Charles and the way his eyes lit up with amusement when I made a pig of myself during our breakfasts or when I guessed what he was wearing. I didn’t see the man sitting in the corner of the office by himself, lost and confused and uncertain about what he was finding in his research, unable to show the rest of us because we wouldn’t give him the time or notice that he needed one of us, especially me.
Then I slowly began to see him until I finally understood what was right in front of my eyes. And I showed him how I felt. But I had waited too long.
And for a long time, I saw everything through it—her—the God King, but I couldn’t do anything. I saw him grieve and drink and try to hold himself together as he tried to find a way to bring me back, to separate me from the demon that had taken me over and was using my body like some sort of shell. I saw it all.
And now...I can’t see at all – the price for me getting my body back. The damage to my eyes caused by Illyria’s possession couldn’t be reversed.
But Wesley is still beside me. I don’t need to see to know that.